Whenever I hear "first lady" in recognition of a pastors' wife, I cringe. Not only is this not Biblical but in many respects I believe it is separatist, elitest and a hinderance to Church growth. Who was the first to find it necessary to use such a title? And, why is it a "black church" practice? The title also implies rank and order when The Bible specifically teach that God is no respecter of "persons".
One of the major problems of modern Church is that we have a tendency to add to The Word of God wherever it best suits our purpose. We forget Revelation 22:18 which forbids anyone adding to The Words of The Book. We are all, who confess Jesus The Christ Amen to be our Lord and Saviour, servants. Nothing more nor nothing less. God does not see us as Reverend, Dr. Pastor so-and-so and first lady. He sees us as servants. How this looks in The Spirit is quite ludicrious. Say, several different congregations all "honor" first ladies. Who is the first lady of the first ladies and who determines this order and by what criteria? Is it maybe judged by who has the largest congregation, or maybe who receives the most tithe? You see where this goes.
Then the problem of approachability arises. Is there certain circumstances when a first lady should not be approached? Hebrews 5:4 teaches that no man shall take honor unto himself but honor unto man is bestowed by God. Religion causes so called Christians to pervert The Word of God to satisfy personal lusts and desires. Seeking a true relationship with The Father on the other hand purges us and requires self judgement.